Joe Quintero

gildings:

“I will remember the kisses, our lips raw with love, and how you gave me everything you had and how I offered you what was left of me.”

— Charles Bukowski (via jazzyjenn)

That’s how it all started. You put forth everything you had, while I only returned what I thought I could. I claimed to be hurt and not ready. I didn’t even understand those two statements, at the time. Now, I’m ready. Finally, ready to give every part of myself to you. I’ve lost you, too many times. I’m ready to keep you from going anywhere, no more leaving.

The problem is it may be too late and I’m not sure I can keep you around.

(Source: andwhisper)

I feel as though my differences have set me up for many great things that not everyone else will ever be able to internally achieve. A lot of thought processes and personality traits that are unique. Sadly, I must try to convince myself that these differences won’t just result in me being more unhappy than all of the rest. The ones that I look at and convince myself of my superiority in being a happy individual. Then it hits me. My ability, or greatest strength, to be so happy on my own is also my biggest weakness. How am I supposed to find a girl who can make me happier than myself? Maybe, trying to learn everything has led me to know absolutely nothing. The person I have become may be lacking one important characteristic-the ability to be loved. I feel as if no one would be able to make me happier than myself, and it’s the one thing that makes me sad, ironically enough. I must be fooling myself though. There has to be something, I bet. You. You were the only one, the exception. The only one that I never felt the disappointment from, the one that I never felt the disappointment in. I don’t know what it is that you do to me, but it worries me. It’s concerning to know that one minute I can be the person who everyone looks to for help and motivation and the next I become a hopeless wreck who doesn’t have any idea what to do.

I exposed who I am and how I feel to not only you, but anyone else who cared to take a look. First you didn’t acknowledge it, then you wouldn’t even let me know how you felt. Finally I found out, and it’s okay.

I can’t blame you for not showing an emotion towards me that isn’t even there. It’s okay, it doesn’t bother me anymore. Well not completely at least. It bothers me that I think there is no one else out there who would make the complex person that you are truly happy by understanding who you are and accepting every imperfection better than myself.

It’s okay though, because you’re not the only complicated female on this planet. While you struggle with how to make that one person you have at the time understand and accept you, I’ll be off understanding and accepting everyone I come into contact with.

At first I didn’t even want you as a friend, it actually angered me that you wouldn’t choose me as the person to be your loving unconditional companion. More than that, it made me sad knowing that anyone else will probably just end up hurting you. I still want to be your friend and I want you to know what I know, so you can make the right choice in who you want to be your partner. Because when I finally make my choice, It may not be the best one, but it will never be the wrong one.

We’ve had an interesting past and I’ll never forget that.

I may have nothing, but I still have so much to offer.